Episode 10: The Version of Us No One Warned Us About

Featuring "Paul" the most annoying dog we love to hate.

Disclaimer: This episode is completely unhinged. Much like our parenting styles.

No one tells you how much becoming a parent will change you.
In Episode 10, we talk about the versions of ourselves that showed up after kids—the ones we didn’t plan for, didn’t expect, and definitely weren’t warned about. From the parents we swore we’d never be, to the emotional shifts, softened edges, harder boundaries, and surprising strengths that came with this season, we unpack how parenthood reshaped us in real time.
This is an honest conversation about growth, grief for who we used to be, pride in who we’re becoming, and learning to give ourselves grace along the way. If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and thought, wow, I’m not who I thought I’d be—you’re not alone.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to the Co-Parenting Chronicles. I'm Chelsea. And I'm Jonathan.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

And this is a podcast about something we didn't exactly find and become expert in. But definitely learning the hard way. Copernic.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

We're not therapists, we're not lawyers. Well, it's double that's later. We definitely don't have an offigano. We are too different to the fact that even though our relationship is common, actually and we'll talk about growth and the boundaries or staff type of comparative.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Having unstandardation with which we are perfect.

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And others may include experts, real life stories, our partners, and practical tools that you can actually use.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Whether you're newly separated, you're in the co-parenting or supporting someone who is, the space is for you.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

Because co-parenting isn't about being perfect. It's about being intentional and choosing your kids even on the hard days. Thanks for being here. The sitcom that nobody asked for. Okay, so we'll wanna talk about how this episode's kind of gonna focus kind of gonna this you're it's just gonna get worse the more pregnant you got. I know. We need this baby to get out of here. I know, because I keep I've noticed like the last couple episodes. Please don't confuse I have like all these really good points to make, and then I end up losing my train of thought, and then I'm not really relaying anything back to what the topic was. I just start rambling. That's why we need to record two episodes.

SPEAKER_05 1:44

What are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 1:45

What are you talking about? And then I'm like, where are we at here?

SPEAKER_05 1:48

Like, I just don't I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm just how many more weeks do we have?

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Jenna, give us a pregnancy update.

SPEAKER_05 1:56

Oh my god, Chelsea, I didn't tell you.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

Sunday night, I was taking my Zoleft before bed. It was 8 30 at night, and it's 10:30. We go to bed, we're all in bed. It's 8 50, okay? I'm by 10 o'clock, I'm like still wide awake.

SPEAKER_05 2:14

I'm like feeling productive. So I'm like, oh, I'm gonna make, I'm gonna upload a video, you know.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

I fucking I go to the bathroom, I'm going pee, and I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm like, I'm surprised, I was so tired. Like I had such a busy day. Why am I feeling like this? And I the it came to me. I remember taking my Vivance along with my Zoloft, but it was like two and a half hours later, so like I couldn't like force myself to like throw it up. So I was just like, okay, so I cut my phone down and turned off the TV and just like laid there and turned from left to right, from left to right. No, that is literally and then Monday I had to go into the office. It was just like such a rough day, but that has never happened to me. I have never done that. With moments, this pregnancy is fucking for the record. Jenna has all of her medications approved by her doctor, so yes, so don't judge me. Or you can, and you probably will. And we don't fucking care anyway. I don't give two shits because I didn't take my meds with my son and I was fucking miserable and wanted to die. So let's talk about some positives of the baby. What is the most recent update? How big is baby right now? What kind of fruit is it? Um, I actually just looked yesterday because I knew you were gonna ask me. Um eggplant, actually.

SPEAKER_05 3:35

I love it.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

That's huge.

SPEAKER_05 3:36

I believe it's an eggplant, yeah. Almost two pounds.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

That's big. A two-pound eggplant. Yeah. Yeah, so this is almost two pounds and I don't know how many inches. So tomorrow I actually have my second anatomy scan because they weren't able to see the heart and my gestational diabetes test. So I have that. I'm 25 weeks. Yeah. And you know, you're almost considered a geriatric pregnancy. Yeah, we're ch we're chugging along. We're chugging along. Oh, do that. Yeah, but if I decide well, for if I decide to go and get the scheduled C section, it would be 13 days and five days. Okay. So I'm like, you know, it could but if I go into labor before that, you know, it could be sooner, but we'll see. I don't know. We'll see. Like we don't know what baby is yet, a girl or boy, we're not finding out. SA B as it might be for it now. So yeah, it'll be a big surprise. But the more pregnant you get, we're gonna not be able to go in the closet, I fear. And then these children are just gonna be all over us. This is why we were corn closet, we hide. Oh daddy told me to shut up the other night.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

No, he did not.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

We were laying in bed, and and Andy was telling him it was time to go to bed and shut off. Like I had to shut off his spider-man or whatever. And he goes, No, I'm watching my show. Shut up, Daddy. Oh no, you did not. Shut up, and Andy didn't catch it, and it was clear as day, and he because he was like on his phone, like reading something. So that he was like, Did you did you just tell me to shut up? I was like, Yeah, we really have to watch what we say because we tell Paul to shut up a lot. This is so hard to do with children, but this is actually a perfect segue into the episode um the version of us that no one warned us about. Being a mom, being a parent, kind of losing yourself a little bit, right? Yeah. Um your identity shifts, and you know, things happen quietly and slowly over time, and sometimes sometimes could change drastically overnight, just depending on your situation. Yeah. Um we're not gonna really be talking today about co-parenting or our children or schedules or conflict. We're just gonna be talking about um, you know, who we didn't become or who we thought we would become as, you know, just as humans becoming parents. Yeah. Um, we're gonna kind of reflect, um, answer some questions for ourselves and just kind of talk through it. And I think this is actually a really cool idea for an episode. Um, because I think that everyone can struggle with this, whether you're a co-parent or not. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, because sometimes like people I feel like a lot of times people's their whole identity once they become a parent or a mom, it's like that's their whole identity. They only feel like, oh, I'm a mom, I'm a mom, I'm a mom. Like you have to always be on it. And it's you do lose a bit of yourself in that um in that regard. So it can be difficult and challenging sometimes when you sit back and reflect on where you're at, right? It's like, oh, I'm such a great mom and I love my children so much, but you can also kind of feel you know, a type of sadness at the loss of like, you know, well, and I don't think all the time. I think we have different experiences in parenting just because you know, I became a mom at such a young age. And so I kind of, you know, I always knew that I wanted to be a mom. I don't regret having my children at all. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. But and I'm sure at some point in my life I'm not gonna regret that I was a young mom. But I just it's I think that definitely like mourning that sense of self because I knew that I wanted to be a parent. I just didn't expect to be a parent so soon. And then because I kind of crashed into that role, I just kept having children at a younger age. Um, you know, and I think that when you think of the kind of parent you're going to be before you actually have children, you think you're gonna be a little bit more graceful and just better at it. But because I was so young, you know, I truly feel I was growing up at the same time as my children, which is a beautiful thing in itself. But it also has definitely made me pause at how I could have handled things better. I could have done things different. Um, I could have been easier on myself, easier on my kids um in certain situations. But you know, I think that just Or how things just would have been different had you had Jude at 30 instead of 20. You know, all the same children, but just a decade later. Right. All of my children were birthed before my frontal lobe was even fully developed. You would have had a wild. Yeah. So you would have had a fully like a full career and you would have been in a completely different place from 20 to 30. Right. So a lot of things would have been different. And I don't know, like when you imagine life when you're younger and you picture your life in the future, like your career husband, kids. Like I know for me, I always imagined I would be married before I had children. Yeah. Not that that was like that was never like a um it wasn't like a hard feeling that had to happen. Yeah, like a sticking point for me. Like I must be married before I have children, but it was just that's the natural order order of things, right? Like that's how it goes usually. Yeah, because you were career, kids, then marriage, whereas I am kids, kind of marriage a career at the same time. Like, you know, just like building those together. Um yeah, but kids were definitely first. Oh. The version that you actually became, what are some traits that surprised you? Um, I would definitely say my resilience um as a parent. I think that given all of the things that have been thrown at me in parenthood, I have been resilient and still handled myself with some level of grace, I guess. You know, um, and just remained a good human. Throughout a lot thrown at you from a young age, you know. And I think well, just in parenting as a general, you know, I don't think that's what I mean. Like young parenting from 20 through till now, a lot has happened. Yeah, and with Ava being sick, I think that I've been given every excuse to be a shitty parent. And I still have remained a good one. And um, even just with the tools that I was equipped with and the way that I was raised, I think that I have changed that narrative and stopped those, you know, uh one of those break broke the chain, I guess you could say. Yeah, you know. Um, what are some strengths that you didn't know that you you had when it comes to parenting or when it becomes to being a mom? Uh I would say patience. Oh I don't have a lot of patience. I have pretty much zero patience in my like personal life, you know, map sans children. It's like when it comes to normal things going on, I want like I want it done now. I want to do it now, I don't want to wait. I wanna but with with kids, uh I feel like I have been j like I'm just naturally more patient. Obviously, I'm not like always going to be 100% like my patience is gonna be like, oh, you know, I wear thin every once in a while with kids, but it surprises me but how patient I am with the kids. Um, just knowing that I'm not typically patient in my everyday life.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

Um have you noticed that any emotional responses have like changed over time? I know you just talked about patience, but I feel like I feel like being a mom has softened me in a lot of things. Yeah, definitely. I am so much more emotional. Honestly, like since I turned 30, and I was uh already a stepmom to the girls when I when I turned 30. So like I just feel like I became more and more emotional, a lot more like my mom. You know, when I was a kid, I used to be like, God, you're crying again? What the hell? Like, what are you crying for? Literally cry all the time. She'd be like, I'm happy here, you know, upset. Like I'm like just crying constantly. And I'm like, Same, now that's me. Yeah, a lot more emotional about things, whether they're good or bad. Um, just really feel those feelings, and I think you're moved, you know. I think that like it's I know it seems so like such a weird term to say, but I I'm I I find myself just so emotionally moved by little things, small things. Yeah. Um, how fast time is going, just being able to like pause and reflect. Um, you know, and that definitely wasn't me prior to to being a mom. Um me neither. I was like just well, because you're only thinking about like yourself, right? Your friends and your family, but like you're not caring, taking care of other humans, like raising other people. You're raising yourself. Um, what are some versions of yourself that you've kind of just had to quietly let go of? Um I would say, well, obviously, I don't want to say like the fun side of me because like I'm still a lot of fun. I but I will say I I don't go out as often as I used to. I used to love going out. Yeah, and not just like going out, like, oh, I want to go out at night and like go out properly. It's like I used to just go to go and sit at the bar, yeah, downtown Kenosha, have a beer and eat by myself. Like just doing those types of things on my own, no friends around, like, I mean, I would usually know the bartender and people at the bar because it's Kenosha. So it's like I would see people that I would know, but like that was something that I really enjoyed doing by myself. I would I would go and just be and now I when do I have the opportunity to to do that? I I really I don't, I'm never by myself. And then when I am, it's like, I don't know, I have like anxiety, like I don't want to do that by myself anymore. But like I also do, like it's I don't know, it's like an inner internal conflict where I'm like, I miss being able to do that, but also if I were to randomly have the opportunity, would I take it? Probably not. Like, yeah, you know, like my mom has taken River up north a couple times, and I know like when and Andy's usually was always at work, and I would have like a really fun weekend, like Trav and I would hang out a lot or something, you know, we would like do fun things, but not usually by myself. I wouldn't like Yeah, I don't I don't remember. I mean, I think in my situation, I don't remember having that like ability to be spontaneous, you know. I I was in high school. Yeah, you know, like that's like those are the last memories I have prior to like maybe basically like I I got pregnant with Jude when I was 20 and I had him at 21. So I mean I had two years of being an adult, yeah, technically and I wasn't, and yeah, right. And I still lived with I had moved to Illinois and lived with my dad and my stepmom for a little bit, and so it's like prior, and so I had rules because they were like, hey, you can move here and have a fresh start and you know, get back on your feet and get your shit together. But like we have two young boys that were raising here, so there's rules, there's curfew, like I don't give a shit that you're 18, like you know you can't just do whatever you want.

SPEAKER_05 16:05

Like right.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

So I don't, I don't, yeah, I don't I and it's in that which is funny though, because I feel so much guilt and um anxiety about the moment this brief or few moments I have that I can be spontaneous. Right, you know, like let's say like I have friends who want to go grab a beer and we stay out till bar close or whatever, and I will wake up the next day with just immense guilt and anxiety because of that that that being able to be carefree. Like, even though like all my responsibilities were taken care of, yeah, I still showed up to work the next day, like you know, all of those things, but it's just still like I think because I've never had that, I'm hard on myself for those moments that I am allowed to have it, if that makes any sense. Yeah, I mean, that goes back to the conversation that we had a few days ago. And that your kids are older, they're already sleeping, you know, they're at home, they they're on spring break, or you're gonna get them to school the next day. Like it doesn't, you know, it doesn't matter. Like you're still a responsible parent, you are allowed to go out and have fun and do things every once in a while. Like, yeah, it's just I feel like a lot of people from the outside looking in judge moms so much more harshly than they would anybody else. It's like, oh well, they're a mom, they shouldn't be going out. Oh, they're aren't they a mom? Like and it's just like, yeah, they're a mom, but that's not our whole personality. We still like to have fun and go out and do things. And we we we deserve to do those things more, if you ask me. Like yeah, you know, it's it's not it's I mean, I think if I like I would expect my friends and my partner and my family, like if I was going out every night and shucking off my responsibilities to other people, which obviously happens drinking, yes, and like that's then I would expect you guys to be like children. Like that's different, exactly. It's obviously not the case here. Exactly. I think that I've I've been a lot more easier on myself. Um not to say like you validate me, but I think that like it's been very helpful to have you as a parent, but also somebody that I do enjoy going out with and being just the human version of myself, not the parenting version of myself. And you've definitely helped me like reflect more on just like giving myself grace and being easier on myself and like I'm allowed to go be a person outside of parenting, you know, because especially because I've never had that before. I mean, you're you're always at work or you're being a parent, and like what right? What's the point, right? If I'm not enjoying, you want to be able to like enjoy it. Which I enjoy those parts too, not to say that. Like, I definitely enjoy those parts of my life, but it's like sometimes, yeah, I do want to go on a bender. You don't want to lose your identity, you don't want to lose who you are.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Like I want to go out and I want to dance and I want to have fun and drink and you know waste money be carefree.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

Yes. Yes, yes. The jukebox is never a waste, by the way. Yeah. That's true. That's true. Wrong, wrong choice of words there. Why do you think that we don't acknowledge these like losses, like of these like versions of ourselves, like as you know, the version of ourself before parents? I think that as humans, we're just expected, like, oh, this is the natural progression of your life. You this is this is the way things are just you're just expected. Um yeah, why don't you think that we acknowledge like the loss of this like version of ourself? Like, why like it's I think that we get we get to this point in our life where we're just expected to like naturally progress and like become parents, but we don't like sit and acknowledge the person that we were, and why that does feel like a loss. Yeah, I feel like sometimes it's just something that people don't think about because time really does go by so quickly, right? So it's not something that you're sitting there and you're thinking about actively until one day you just do. Yeah. Right. And I think that it maybe for some people it slowly creeps up on them and they don't know it yet. They don't know what it is, but it's there's something that's maybe they feel something's missing, or they feel some sort of sadness, or maybe it's not a negative type of sadness, but like, you know, we can all grieve um the person that we thought we were going to be, or things that we thought we were going to do, but never got a chance to do because we became parents and maybe hopefully eventually we'll get to do those things again, maybe when our kids are older, yeah, that kind of thing, right? So I feel like those thoughts like just creep in unexpectedly. And one day people are like, Huh, I'm gonna sit and reflect on why I feel like this. And maybe it's somebody starting therapy or seeing a psychiatrist, right? That draws me.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Can you imagine watching this video? And it's just Paul like walking back and forth. We're so desensitized to just outside distractions that I could be such a Paul is not a paid actor for this fucking production.

SPEAKER_04 21:19

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

Uh I've been swearing a lot in these two episodes. I'm sorry, I apologize. I don't care. I'm a tailor. Um I think that you know, things that you don't see coming in a positive light are, you know, like you just talked about like emotional depth and emotional awareness. And I think that becoming this new version of myself, you know, I am more emotional, but I just I don't know. I think becoming a parent has it truly opens up your heart in a way that you can't describe to anybody that doesn't have biological children. Um, I think that when you um have children or nieces or nephews. that you care about in your life, of course you love that person, but there is this difference, this level of selflessness and emotional depth that I've I I can't imagine a life that I haven't been able to tap into that. Right. You know, I mean if you're a good parent, I think you know, some people have kids and they don't or never want to do. Which is crazy to me. I there's something actually I think they're like serial killer like an actual because I'm like how could you have this amazing experience of having a child, that kind of love and then you know, whatever, once again go to therapy. But I I think that yeah maybe there is that part of me that mourns this version of myself that I could have been. I think about what if I had the opportunity to go to way to a four-year school or you know my life took a different trajectory because of parenthood. But I also think that I'm just so grateful that without parenting would I be the person that I am right now. Yeah, exactly. Especially at such a young age like that it was it did shape the person that I am. I wouldn't be this version of me, you know? Exactly. You never know you never know if like not having kids at an early age you could have gone the other route. You could have went became an alcoholic or yeah like you seriously you you because you had kids you had to figure out okay well what am I gonna do? What what what are the next steps that I'm gonna take and you had to do them and figure them out at such a young age with the child. Right. Yeah I mean for me obviously it's different because I got to do I I always said I wanted to be a lawyer since I was in elementary school and I always wanted to be a younger mom. Like I wanted to have kids by 25, 26 and um with law school and stuff that just wasn't yeah but also think about all the amazing experiences that you were able to have like yeah exactly like I got to travel and I got to live overseas and then you know I got to live in California and um you know my dad's death is really what brought me back here. It wasn't anything else um it was that and COVID. So you know it's just one of those things it wasn't becoming a parent that changed my you know the whole trajectory of my future but I will say that like Andy is a big reason my job being number one but Andy is the second big reason that I that I stayed in Kenosha. So you know and it's I mean the job and the opportunity that I have at my at my um work is just you know something that I would never want to give up. Yeah definitely I think that uh to you know letting go of just that before version of myself right releasing the comparison of not in in my case of what I could have been not what I once was you know which is I think the difference here my not regret I hate saying that word but like where I pause and like to reflect on you know the last 13 years of for me parenting is you know the comparison of who I could have been versus for you who did get to become the version that you wanted to be of the adult like career wise you know um of what what what you were before being a parent.

SPEAKER_05 25:23

Yeah yeah I think and I think that God I had something really good to say I am like not I don't know keep going just ignore me.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

That's all I have to say. I don't know say it as like a sentence okay so I think that allowing space for the current version of you to evolve again later kind of like what I was saying before. It's like well maybe you didn't get to do those things before you had kids. Right you know hopefully you'll get a chance to do them once your kids grow up or do them with your kids. Right. I mean we see it every single day on social media people doing oh I totally will wonderful things with their kids. I if we had more money we would I would do way more with our children you know than just our one big family vacation. And obviously we do other little things um separately um with them but if I had money I would take my kids with me all over the place to give them that experience young or not they're you know learning all these different you know learning different cultures and I I feel like if I feel like travel's just a big one for a lot of people and that's why I'm talking about traveling. Um well Anthony and I talk about it all the time so my husband you know he had my stepson at he was 18 him and his ex. And so they were they were younger than I was as a parent. And so we're like what are we gonna do? Like because we we're such young parents I mean the girls are by the time I'm 40 the girls are going to be 15 and 16 and I'm only gonna be 40. And see I'm envious of that. Right but that's just so crazy to me. It's like this next like that's almost more terrifying to me and versus mourning this version of myself that I could have been who the hell am I gonna be like when I'm not a parent obviously I'm always gonna be a parent but when they're all out of the house when you're an empty nester in your early 40s. Right. That's even more scary to me. That's terrifying like a lot of free time on your hands. I'm gonna be like you at the bar eating lunch by myself with a beer. Yes. Oh my gosh. It's just so it's just something that I did all of the time. I've always liked doing that. Even if I can like like during a workday or if the kids are in school I love going and getting lunch by myself. I've never been a person that needs to be with a big group of people like I can have a great time. I have anxiety with a group of people at a restaurant going to the library. Yeah I'm just gonna have so much free time. It's gonna be wild. Yeah I'm just really grateful that we have um the girls to be built in babysitters. Oh it's gonna be so nice at least we have tear it up. Downtown Cosmos is like get the fuck out of here you two go home like fucking crazy blonde chicks get the fuck out of here oh can't wait until we can go out and drink together again this summer I don't even want you to say this summer. You're gonna be so pregnant all the way up until the end and then you're gonna be with a newborn baby for like the last month. Chelsea, you don't understand I had a C-section with my first so I've been in the hospital for two days River was born on a Tuesday okay I got home on the Thursday Andy gets me home here and I have a photo of me making my margarita with River laying on the island next to me with all the margarita stuff out and I said I'm teaching him from a young age and then the next day we were at Anna's near the lake um Anna's near the lake Anna's on the lake on the lake we were at Anna's outside drinking I was I I I was there with four days a lot of bitch four days all river outside yeah I every single day after River was born I was the C section of the ouchie I was I'm surprised I was moving I was grooving it was I I was committed to doing all the things I said I was gonna do and I was enjoying my summer bitch okay I was like this is gonna be the last time I ever have 12 weeks off of work. Are you gonna have them tie up your tubes while you're in there while they're in there rooting around she said that she would she said that she would I'm just like I don't know if I want the permanency of it when Andy can just go and get it done and then he could have it reversed not that he would ever have any more kids got I hope. But for me it's just like the permanency of it where I'm like Yeah I never want to have any other kids but also I mean your eggs will still be there yeah that's true. So I could do like what IBF? No, you would have to yeah I mean I guess you could but or I'm saying like in vitro or like let's say you didn't personally want to be pregnant anymore but you wanted to have more kids then at least you have your eggs still to where you could like Yeah. The reason I like I think of it is like Andy and I aren't married what if like I don't think that this would ever happen but what if it did? What if I you know six years from now I meet the man of my dreams Andy and I have broken up and don't talk like that. Well I'm just saying I'm riding on he really wants a child of her well we still would be our obviously he still would be but like what if he wants a child of his own and I love him enough to be able to do that for him. What 47? How old are you gonna be I don't know I'm just saying I'm just I don't this is none of this is ever going to happen. But the fact of the matter is that it's permanent and Andy can just go get snip snip out. How many yeah he needs to go do it. I haven't decided it's not it's not it's not 100% a no because it does make sense while she's in there but there's something about it for me that's just like No I got it. You know it's very very permanent and I I I really that does not mean that I want more children. I do not but you just never No I get it. I think if maybe I were if we were married I regret and like I'm not this is probably isn't going to help your decision but I regret getting my tubes tied. Um well you were young too but you had already had three kids right I already had three kids but I um oh go away for the love of God just to wrap it up today we just wrap it up today you're not gonna get the remainder of whatever thought was just on our mouth I'm sorry I'm so sorry I can't wait to try and stitch this episode together it's gonna be fucking hysterical.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

There's a fucking dog okay listen if you're still listening to our to our 70 people that are still listening to this podcast yeah if you're if you were still here even worse for you.

SPEAKER_02 33:11

God bless you yes I think that we all need to give ourselves permission to miss the person that you were or the person you thought you would be. Well yeah or in my case being afraid of the person you're gonna become um and I think that you're allowed to also like who you are now um you know I I I do think I'm a great mom. I do think I'm a good partner. I think I'm a great friend um I you know I I'm very content with the person that I've become and I don't think any of that would have happened if I didn't if things didn't go the way they were you know I don't I you know when we talk to so many other parents and women who are commenting on our social media platforms um I just I I'm very happy with the person that I am and just how mentally well I am with everything that's happened in spite of everything that's happened to me. You know I it's I I think those things have made me a better human and a better parent. Being a parent has made me a better human. Yeah I agree I would agree I'm very grateful for the life that I have and I really don't know where I would be right now if I were just living my life here without I don't think you'd be here without like you know well and it's just one of those things that I think about is I got that job I got my my job before I started seeing Andy and my job it was such an amazing opportunity. It's what I always wanted to do. I didn't have to go into private practice I was going straight in in-house council so I I like to think that I wouldn't be here either but with my with that job may I probably would have lived somewhere else like without river like you know it's it's like I feel like it's like almost like your dad was like bringing you here. Right. Like I probably would have lived elsewhere and just commuted to work you know just like in the Milwaukee area or Chicago you know Chicago area just like and not have been have stayed in Kenosha but I would have stayed with my job. So you know I'm I'm grateful that um I met Andy and became a mom and all of that just kind of worked out. I do we bought a house and I am grateful that we bought a house when we did interest rate is low. And you know but it's like all those things it's like a domino effect right like all of those things that happened all of the good all of the bad whether it was right timing or wrong timing or what you expected to happen like that narrative of what you had for yourself it doesn't have to be a perfect narrative right it's just the narrative that brought you here and being able to reflect on how grateful you are for your life now. Yeah how cool is that to think about all of the dominoes that had to fall in place for you to be where you are exactly and I know some people are really really big on planning. They have their whole life planned out right very regimented and and they're probably really hard on themselves when things don't always work out the way that they had planned. Right. Sometimes but sometimes they work out even better, right? So I think the mess and the imperfection and the unplanned is what makes us human. Right I think that's what has made my life significantly more fulfilling honestly like I I mean in tragedy after you know losing my dad unexpectedly he was only 57 years old like you know it's like I he brought me back here and I feel like because of him um I partially I have this you know life. He's one of the reasons why I feel like I have the life that I have definitely so yeah well thank you for being here thank you for listening as we just wanted to kind of reflect on ourselves and you know how we got here. Next week is our Mother's Day episode we are going to be talking about each other and what that relationship means to us um but also just all of the special ladies in our lives and all of you out there who are also mothers or parents um yeah it'll be just a nice little sweet Mother's Day issue.

SPEAKER_06 37:39

Yeah all right love you by oh love you by the way